Sunday, November 28, 2010

Stupid is as Stupid Does Dart into Traffic.

What should I do with Eve's port?

16% of you said Turn it into a necklace.
51% of you said Turn it into a Christmas ornament.
33% of you said Turn it into a pull-chain for a ceiling fan.

I think 100% of you are completely awesome and really getting into the spirit of things. Or maybe you're just getting into the spirits. Afterall, it's pretty weird that you are coming up with ways to use a port that do not involved chemo or blood draws. I guess it is eggnog season.

Anyway, I think I'm going to go with the majority here and turn this thing into something I can proudly display on our Christmas tree. The same Christmas tree I just went all Clark Griswold on, checking each and every bulb trying to find out which one was burned out.

So yes, now I'm deciding between turning the port into the Star of Bethlehem or soused-Santa's red nose. Either way, there will be glitter involved.

Last week, I took Natalie to the doctor to check out her throat, which inexplicably always hurts whenever it's time for bed or if she has to drink milk. For some reason, Dr. Munt couldn't find any reason why her throat might be hurting, but he did notice her thyroid is enlarged. I'm not even going to Google that. He'll check it again in six months unless Nat starts getting dry skin or change in energy or appetite. I'm just going to assume it's nothing for the time being, because I don't have any more room in my head for any more large body parts found at the pediatrician's office.

By the time we were done at the doctor, Nat was disappointed with the news that she would be going to school. Since I didn't have time to pack her any food and lunch was about to start, I gave her the option of the two places closest to her school: Taco Bell or Bojangles. [Mom of the Year!] Nat's answer? Kanki. Again, I had to disappoint her with the fact that we were not driving into Raleigh so she could visit a Japanese Steak House for a quick, yet thoroughly entertaining, hibachi lunch. [Loss of three points in the Mom of the Year 2010 competition.]

While she was at school, and I only write this because Nat doesn't know about this blog yet, Matt and I took Daniel and Eve out for lunch and ice cream. Eve apparently has discovered the wonders of french fries and mayonnaise. She could eat you under the table in french fries and mayonnaise. I would probably just start out sitting under the table so no one could see me enjoying those french fries and mayonnaise, because it's a good combination but people will go out of their way to make you feel like crap for liking it. As Matt once said about a random Taco Bell value menu item, "This is embarrassingly good. I don't want to admit how much I like it."

I'm admitting it. I like french fries and mayonnaise.

Anyway, we're the parents begging Daniel to eat his lunch of french fries so he can go get some ice cream. Does anyone else feel like a stooge when they are begging their child to please eat their french fry-lunch? Wait, does anyone else just order their kid french fries for lunch?

It's a vegetable. Public school cafeterias say so. (That's why I send my kid in with Bojangles for a healthier alternative.)

After negotiating with the terrorist, we were able to leave and walk down to the ice cream parlor. Except Eve escaped and ran into the street which was seeing a fair amount of traffic. Thank goodness one woman started screaming and spazzing out which startled Eve enough that she stopped on the yellow line. All ended well, but I worry about the stupid things kids do. And kids really don't learn quickly. They pretty much nod when you talk to them and then go back to doing the same stupid things over and over again. It must be like Groundhog Day in their head.

We saved you from cancer, Eve. I don't want to lose you to some rogue Ford Pinto. Also, please to stop the leaping from tall structures and flashdancing on the stairs.

With all due respect to Prince: act your shoe size, not your age.


  1. I've been following your blog for a little while now! I absolutely love the way you write. You are an inspirational MOM! Thank you!

  2. Oh Lisa...flattery will get you everywhere!