Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Heartburn

Lately, lots of things have been giving me heartburn.

(I will not change my eating habits, no siree. I will eat generic Tums all the live long day.)

Most recently, my kids have been giving it to me as well. Is it the, umm, "sibling rivalry?" (That term makes it sound much less obnoxious than it appears in real life.) I have found that when Natalie is away for nine hours a day during the week, the number of fights does not decrease during the remaining five hours she is present with her siblings. It just gets more concentrated.

I know, I know. It's so very unintuitive.

For instance, pretend your children have an average of fifty altercations instances of heated discussions per day. That works out to roughly 3.5 an hour. Now, send one child away for nine hours, and you'd expect around 18 experiences in the remainder of the day, a sharp drop in the original number. There is something programmed in their heads (programmed with a universal remote that I have no doubt already lost) that they must fit in all 50 fights. Which brings your new average to about 10 per hour.

(I guess I DID get to use math as a stay-at-home mom. My high school guidance counselor would be proud.)

And this, my friends, gives me heartburn. And I already ate all the yummy orange-flavored generic Tums and what I have left are the crappy lemon ones that taste like yellow chalk.

Thank goodness they love just as hard as they hit. (The kids, not the Tums. I have not been hit by an antacid...yet.)

But today's sudden onset of the hot spit comes from an entirely different source: scanxiety. It does not present itself in a gradual, gentle manner. It barrels down on you like a Mack truck. And I feel like roadkill. Roadkill with heartburn. You think you have a break and then it comes back in ten-foot tall waves. Waves of nausea.

Eve has scans on Friday. Must buy more Tums.


  1. and miniature almond joys, so you can sneak around the NPO.

  2. No sedation this time, so I'd have to share them with Eve. Just a CXR and an u/s. You know, the machine with the big picture where we first saw all those dark masses.

    I don't get too upset over CTs. It's just the u/s that gets me queezy.

  3. i used to get milk shakes when i got heartburn. Chickfila makes great heartburn busting milk shakes. plus they are usually near a taco bell!

  4. I have chocolate flavored tums. They aren't as disgusting as they sound...

    Fingers and toes crossed that tomorrow is smooth and noneventful

  5. Chocolate flavored?? And where do you get these chocolate flavored tums??

  6. Saw your post about the Oak Leaf...which is decent wine, so hopefully you didn't tap into that tonight with heartburn! Hope tomorrow brings more good news for you all.

  7. Praying that you get NED results! Nolan goes for his next checkup on the 18th..same as Eve getting chest xray and abdominal u/s this time. Keep us posted!!!

  8. I would say the berry flavored ones. I have lived on them for many years... and I only have one kid so far. Goo dluck with the ultrasound. I ws having stomach issues so I had one yesterday. It was a baby. Can we buy stock in generic tums?