Friday, February 1, 2013

The Final Countdown

So far in 2013, I have heard da-da-da-daaa...da-da-da-da...da-da-da-daaa...da-da-da-da-da-da-DA-da-da-DA-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-DA-DA-DAAAAAAAA approximately ninety-four and a half times before 7:30 a.m.

Just Dance 4 is the reason I've been too busy to post.  That, and I'm lazy.  Lazy as in, I will hit the "add 30 seconds" button on the microwave ten times instead of pushing five followed by two zeroes.  I believe all food should be microwaved in thirty-second intervals.  So I can eat hot food while I watch my kids work-out; I have to carb-load for vicarious exercise.

It's a new year so I felt obliged to make some goals for my kids.  I don't personally believe in New Year's resolutions because if you want to do something, then just do it.  Don't gorge yourself over the weekend because you are starting a diet on Monday afternoon.  If you have a problem with heroin, you probably don't want to delay heading on down to the methadone clinic because you're planning to party big time over the weekend.  Be the change you want to see in your pants.  BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN YOUR PANTS!

I had absolutely been planning to make a chore chart but we were always out of ink and my handwriting has gone down the tubes since I went through my obsession with instant messaging in the late 90s.  I can't even read my own signature because I leave so many letters out.  I'm amazing.  Well, we finally got some new ink, but only because I bought a new printer because it was cheaper to buy that than the refills for our old printer.  And I do realize it's quite ridiculous to collect printers like some would stamps, but I'm both amazing and ridiculous.  My inner-lazy did a half-assed sitting ovation when we found this nice magnetic chore chart (so I don't even need to come up with a list of chores for our indentured servants) hidden in Daniel's closet, having gone missing for the past three years.  His closet is like Narnia.  I think there may be a beef tenderloin dry-aging in there somewhere.

Each kid only has to do two chores everyday, in addition to trying not to turn the house into a pigsty.  (Pigsty is a weird word to type out.  It looks like a Tommy gun-wielding, fat gangster name.)  Natalie has to take out the trash and recycling and do the dishes, Daniel has to set the table and clear the table, and Eve has to feed her hermit crabs and not whine.

Natalie is getting starting to ask questions.

Quiet, child!  Those dishes aren't going to scrub themselves.

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