Monday, February 18, 2013

Save lives, lose weight!

So I've found the dopest way to lose weight.  And I mean dope like they meant it in 1992.



We don't own a scale so when I see one, I'm always pumped to jump on it.  If you have one in your bathroom and I see it, I will make a point to go to the bathroom twice an hour just to see how much weight I pee out and how much weight I eat in.  It's amazing fun and will keep me occupied for hours.

When I have to give blood, I always drink ridiculous amounts of water because my veins are bitchy and may very well be going through menopause because they will not appear for anyone unless I've downed about three liters of ice water because OH MY GOD, IT'S SO HOT IN HERE.

My buddy Jo and I decided to try giving platelets* instead of a regular whole blood donation because an hour hooked up to an apheresis machine seemed like a really fun way to pass the time instead of cleaning the house.  Your husband can't get mad if you didn't clean the house because you were too busy SAVING LIVES.  Too bad you can only donate every other day.

My iron was a point too low to give but Jo was able to get hooked up.

jo platelets

I got to sit there for an hour and watch her get very drunk euphoric, which is apparently not unheard of when you donate platelets.  It was cheaper than booze and most likely helped out someone going through cancer treatment, so donating was definitely a win-win.  Plus, she couldn't move at all so she was forced to listen to me report back how many ounces I had peed out every time I came back from the bathroom.  Win-win-win.  I'm not above taping my friends up to machines to make sure they pay attention to me.

For the record, I lost almost four pounds that afternoon.  Each pee was incredible and made me want to burst into song.

Not only was Jo experiencing some awesome side effects, but we also had a nurse tell us that sometimes people get the tinglies down there.  And when she said down there, she pointed down there.  And it made drunk Jo laugh even harder, which made me laugh even harder, which made me have to pee even harder.  No one in our party had anything happen down there except for all the urine output.

We went back a couple of weeks later to donate again and this time Jo was benched for low iron but I was good to go.  And man, if just peeing out self-inflicted water-weight is tops, then your mind will be blown if you pee AND donate platelets.  The scale will make you all kinds of happy!  Your pants will probably still be too tight, though, but that's something that can be remedied with diet and exercise.  If only you weren't too busy donating blood to get around to that.



It was fun, and you should do it, too!  And when you do, no matter what kind of lovely bloodstuff you're donating, tag a picture of yourself on Minty's 4th Birthday Worldwide Blood Drive page.  Minty would have been four this summer, had she survived cancer.  She had tons of transfusions while on treatment, so her mom wants me and you and your granny to give back.  It's free, it's fun, sometimes nurses use the term down there, and at the place we go to, you get free lunch.  Which is kind of the most awesome thing ever if you have the munchies and didn't have anything happen down there.

*Please don't ask your friends how much money they got for donating platelets because you are thinking of PLASMA.  Or sperm.  Either way, we are donating without financial compensation- unless you count the free pizza, which I admit is pretty awesome and may even make something tingle down there. Depends on how hungry you are.

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