Happy Holidays

...or Happy Whatever Doesn't Offend you!

Mom of the Year 2014? Circle Yes or No.

December 1st was a big surprise, mostly because I was under the impression that it was November 30th.  The kids got up early and were downstairs running around.  I heard giddy screams of "It's December 1st!  He's here somewhere!" and "Mart Brent is hiding really, really good!"

The Talk.

The children asked innocently enough over dinner.

"How do the babies get in the mommy's belly?"

It's September! Be aware! Be very aware! But also please do something! Exclamation point!

If you are friends with anyone on Facebook who has the unfortunate luck of being a childhood cancer parent, your newsfeed might already be filled with pictures of bald kids/pie charts of side effects/questionable clip-art of gold ribbons.

Hey, you realize misspelled "recipes," right?

No, I didn't.  I was trying to spell receipts!  And I did!  Correctly!  I win at the proofreading!*

That time we ate our way through Raleigh.

The facts:

Matt and I were going to celebrate our tenth anniversary.
Matt and I couldn't decide on where to fly to celebrate. 
Matt and I were sitting on the couch watching British soap operas.
Matt and I were like, HEY, WE LOVE FOOD.
[That was just an aside.  We say that a lot.]
Matt and I were like, HEY, WE LOVE RALEIGH.
Matt and I finished watching another British soap opera.
Matt and I were then like, HEY, LET'S USE THE PLANE MONEY AND SPEND IT ON FOOD IN RALEIGH.

Thus, the plan for Foooooooooooood 2014, or as I like to call it, "That time I carbed up for a hike that I am definitely planning on doing in August" was born.

The Promised Bacon

Yo!  You know what you need in your life?  MO' BACON.  Mo' bacon is mo' better.  Vegetarian?  You could use some more quiche up in that mouth.  Real men, real women, real children...they all eat quiche.  Not those fake men.  They eat plastic corn on the cob.  Not the fake women, though, because they're dieting.

What's up?

Nothing much here. I've been watching a lot of Netflix.  Like, A LOT.  That's why I haven't been blogging.  It must be showing because someone in my tap class recently asked me if I was pregnant.  And it wasn't a man.  And it wasn't a joke.  And when I told her no, it was just a food baby, she didn't believe me and asked me AGAIN.  So I guess I need to either do jumping jacks while I watch Netflix or eat more fiber so I can deliver my food babies before tap class .  Once, a few years back, I ate a lot of Fiber One bars staying with some family not knowing the effect that more than one would have on my body and I can assure you that you do not want to eat more than one Fiber One bar per twenty-four hours unless you are well-stocked on toilet paper and want to read the same two issues of Consumer Reports in your aunt's bathroom.

The first and second time I did bad things in the woods.

As has been a trend lately, all of this happened several months ago.  I was just too traumatized to post about it immediately following the event.  This is how I remember hiking through a monsoon in the mountains on my period.