Tuesday, March 19, 2013

An Expensive Haircut

St. Baldrick's is one of my favoritest events because A) You get to be a rockstar and fund the cure for childhood cancers and 2) Beer.

Even when the weather isn't warm, the feeling of being a rockstar is enough to warm you up.  Or maybe that's just the beer.  Can you spot the Griffiths smiling strangely in this video?  It's like two of them are thinking about all that beer.  Beer makes everything better, mostly because people will empty their wallets much quicker for the bald kids than if they were just drinking 20-ounce bottles of Mountain Dew so they have something to spit their dip in.  People who drink beer are less likely to spit chewing tobacco in front of you, which is one of the most offensive acts imaginable, second only to Caillou.  Everything about Caillou offends me.

The kids love coming to St. Baldrick's, probably because one of the women who organizes it gives the girls about nine thousand Dum Dums and lets them loose at a pub downtown.  We probably don't watch them as closely as we should, but it's never hard to find them.  Just follow the trail of wrappers and kids with candy-colored drool and Nat and Eve will be about ten paces ahead.  Don't take candy from strangers, kids, unless it's Eve and Natalie, in which case please take as much candy as you can hold because otherwise we are going home with twenty-two cavities.


St. Baldrick's is so fun and candy-filled and non-offensive that we had friends who drove down from Maryland to join us.  We also watched a lot of awesome YouTube videos and make late-night pizzaritos.  If you have no soul and are unmoved by St. Baldrick's, I dare you to make a pizzarito and not be a changed person.  Then, after you eat the pizzarito and realize that you maybe probably do have some kind of soul but foolishly forgot to donate, GO DONATE.  Lick the grease off your hands first.


And don't forget to watch this video and make yourself another pizzarito because you're effing Cybill Shepherd and you're worth it.

One of the people on the Duke Bald Devils team was Bridgett, a nurse on the in-patient side.  I doubted she would remember us because we only saw her when Eve was first diagnosed in October 2009, which is why I began with, "Hey, I doubt you remember us, but you were one of Eve's first nurses a few years ago---"

Oh, I remember Eve because we were up ALL night with her when she had an adverse reaction to Ativan.

So that event was really was as totally memorable as I thought it was!


Nurse Bridgett is cool, and has not only a good heart but a nicely-shaped head.

Daniel stood in line for almost an hour to get his face painted like an Angry Bird.  Daniel is obsessed with Angry Birds.  Daniel once couldn't answer a math question for five minutes and got visibly upset before responding I just can't stop thinking about Angry Birds!  Angry Birds are bad for math and bad for my phone battery.


After transforming into a member of the Lucha Libre, he was ready to get in line to be shaved.  Where he decided that he would, in fact, have some thirteenth-hour stage fright.  I never agreed to do this!  I just told Mommy that I was thinking about shaving my head!  I don't want to do this!

Don't you worry- he was lying.  He told me many times he wanted to do it.  Every day he would check his fundraising page to see how much he had earned.  I blame the last-minute antics on the face paint because it's red and most red things do bad stuff like make you hyper or make you break out with eczema or make you get cancer.  With the help of other people who were not his mother, he calmed down and went on stage to shave.

The thing about getting upset with face paint on is that you can tell you have gotten upset with face paint on.  But if Tammy Faye can work it, so can Dan.  He's effing BOSS.


How boss?  THIS BOSS:

We got some crazy friends, but that's cool, because I don't like to associate with normal people.  They make me look bad.

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