Benadryl there, done that.

I've been under the mistaken impression that kindergarten was supposed to tire out my daughter. You can probably guess who it has been tiring out instead.


The first week of school, I both dropped off and picked Natalie up from school. The carpool line is a little insane.

...20 minutes later...

Daniel and Eve were in the van for an hour and a half everday last week. And with the heat being like it is- you know, put your bra and panties in the freezer weather- we are blowing through gas like my kids blow through Goldfish. Thank goodness for carpooling, but the real kind. The kind where you actually take other people's kids and put them in your vehicle.

This week we started the real carpool, and luckily Natalie is self-sufficient enough to unlock and open the child-proofed front door, grab her backpack, and jump in our neighbor's car. Daniel inherited all his grace from yours truly, and managed to fall down from a completely stationary standing position and cut open his knee. (I have no idea what he cut his knee with as he landed on a rug. All of my red knives are accounted for.) My children often coordinate their injuries at the most inconvenient times, like when I'm trying to get Natalie's shoes tied. "Put some pressure on that wound, Dan. I just gotta finish double-knotting these sneakers."

I am doing my best to stay awake during the day while Nat is at school. It is noticeably quieter here with Dan's sparring partner gone. I've haven't had to use my whistle once. But it's hard to feel well rested, especially with Natalie waking us up three to four times every night. Girlfriend, you are supposed to be TIRED! Try sleeping! That's what I've been trying to do.

A year and a half of decaf life only worked because everyone was sleeping like...a drugged baby. I woke up with a migraine yesterday and took some pills. Each pill has 65 mg of caffeine, and I took two. While my headache went away, my heart felt like it was going to have a massive fart and I got a little sweaty. But I didn't feel sleepy, so there's one plus. I forgot what it's like to live dangerously.

I've seen Oprah. I bet a lot more people would use meth if it didn't rot out your teeth. These moms were skinny, had tons of energy, didn't need to sleep, and kept their houses clean. But then they smiled. And we collectively gagged. I guess that's why most moms prefer coffee.

So apparently Natalie is tired, but can only express it through multiple whining sessions in the middle of the night. Last night, she sleepwalked for the first time, which frightened us. Not because we feared for her safety, but because we feared for our safety. We debated locking our bedroom door and hiding the cutlery. Maybe it was the way she cocked her head slightly. Maybe it was the way she asked to go play. Maybe it was because we were in the middle of an episode of Lost. I don't know, but I have got to start getting some sleep. I think tonight calls for a couple of Benadryls washed down with some Cabernet.

Sometimes I think one of my friends had it right when she told me I must have been a real a-hole in a past life.