The Griffith Chronicles, Part 100

Never a dull day around here. Why should Sunday be any different?

Saturday night was cake time. I baked and frosted and baked and frosted until my blood sugar shot up by osmosis.



When we were done cleaning up the kitchen from my culinary escapades, it was time to relax with some wine and [nacho] cheese. One thing I always seem to forget is that for my body, big people drinks = insulin.* So when I gave myself insulin to cover those nacho chips I was about to eat, I was setting Matt up for a challenge the next morning.

After going to bed, the next thing I remembered was being forced orange juice down my throat. There was a clap of thunder, a flash of lightning, and a vague notion that I should be waking up. After an hour and four glasses of orange juice, I had some serious heartburn and concerns about the weather for the Team Eve fundraiser.

After becoming human again, I gave the rain clouds the bird and finished up the coconut cake for the silent auction (which sold for $100 by the way! My stock is rising.). While deep in thought as I iced the dessert, I absent-mindedly gave Natalie permission to paint her finger nails. It was one of those instances where I was just saying yes to any question thrown at me before adding on, Wait, what?

The finger nail painting may have been a little less eventful had Daniel and Eve not gotten involved. Had Destroy and Destroy Jr. not been around, perhaps hot pink nail polish would not have ended up on the baseboards. Or the hardwood floor. Or the dining room rug. Or the dining room table. Or Daniel's shorts, knee, and inner ear. Oh well, water off a duck's back. We run the kind of household where if you don't laugh, you'll kill someone cry.


The fundraiser was scheduled 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. The weather was still being a star-bellied Sneetch, who everyone knows is a star-bellied beetch. The forecast had that sad, little raincloud with the big, bad lightning bolt. But then at 11, something happened.

Nothing happened.

No rain. No lightning. No thunder. It was like God saying, "Hey, sorry about that cancer thing. How about a sunny afternoon and we'll be straight?" And there was no rain. No muddy grounds. Nothing until 3:30. Divine intervention, indeed! I guess He didn't want Eve to mess up her hair.

And what an absolutely fun day for all of us! For the first time in seven months, we let Eve be around people sans face mask and didn't chase her around with antibacterial wipes. Her ANC was high enough where we weren't terrified of infection, although her hemoglobin dropped to 7.3. (Under 8 while you're on chemo is grounds for a transfusion.) I know my hemoglobin was normal and I was exhausted trying to keep up with Little Miss Anemia. Her hair style makes her very aerodynamic.

I asked Eve what her favorite part of the day was, and she answered, "I wuv the bow-wa-weenas!" In fact, all the kids got to dance on stage after the performance with the ballerinas. It was the highlight of Eve's year. Natalie enjoyed being on stage, front and center and "graceful because my middle name is grace...no really, my name is Natalie Grace." And while my sister-in-law took blackmail pics of Daniel in his yellow rain boots dancing with all those girls on stage, I could only come to the conclusion that most men would love to be the only guy among a large group of ladies. Well, as long as said ladies aren't your sisters.

There were tons of games for the kids to play. I watched Natalie throw darts a little too well for my liking. I don't want her running off to pool halls and hustling people just yet. I'm not of every game that Daniel played, but I do know he won several Tootsie Rolls, as I wiped away endless streams of chocolate drool when he got excited and tried to talk with his mouth full. Eve used her cancer card to hog the bounce house for a good while, before I had to crawl in and drag her out. Luckily when I needed to bribe the kids with something, there were tons of goodies with which to do so. "Eve, get out of the bounce house! Other people are waiting! EEEEVE! Snow cone? Cupcake?"

It was a most excellent day.

The kids were in bed a few minutes before 7 p.m. Sunshine, no naps, lots of running, and sugar crashes are all like nature's Benadryl. One at a time, they might make you a bit drowsy. All together: Nyquil!

We got some take-out hibachi, and although this particular place over-cooks the chicken every.single.time, for some reason I willingly ordered it AGAIN. And guess what? The chicken wasn't dry! Guess you had to be here. It was a pretty big deal. God was like, "Hey, sunshine AND juicy chicken. Now we're even."

And what should finally kick the bucket? None other than the washing machine. It was his time apparently. What was an intermittent problem of mysteriously powering itself off turned into a terminal case of never to be powered-on again.


But the timing couldn't have been better. Sears had already agreed to send us a new washer and it was delivered this morning at 8 a.m. Natalie asked why we got a new one. Well, because the old one doesn't work. "But why didn't they just give us a new one the first time it didn't work?" Don't ask questions, Nat. Just pass me the detergent.

So overall, I consider yesterday a success: I woke up, it stopped raining, friends and family raised money for us, the chicken wasn't dry, and I finally got to send back a washer that wouldn't power on if we unplugged it and plugged it back in again. I'm sure glad I woke up.

*Other diabetics: I am NOT an endocrinologist, so please consult with your doctor before drinking beer instead of taking insulin.